


three kisses / fifteen years

by nbmothman



Category: Bandom, Blink-182
Genre: Alcohol, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Slow Build, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:45:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7517495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbmothman/pseuds/nbmothman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark was out of Matt's league and he knew it.</p><p>As if <i>the</i> Mark Hoppus could settle for someone like boring old <i>Matt Skiba</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	three kisses / fifteen years

The first time it happened they were drunk.

It came as no surprise, to be honest. They were on tour late at night, smoking outside with a group of others, probably members of other bands. ‘Probably’ because again, they were drunk, and Matt’s memory wasn’t all that great.

It was getting close to one in the morning and the other guys had started to head out, leaving Mark and Matt alone. The night air was cool and the two were surrounded by a light fog, but that could’ve just been Matt’s blurred vision. Mark looked like he could be the subject of some dark Monet painting, the nice contrasts of the bright stars and deep blues of the sky dancing over his skin in the harsh lightbulb glow overhead.

“So… you guys playing tomorrow?” Mark asked, smoke billowing out of his mouth as he talked, huffing the rest out once he finished.

“Yeah, not sure if it’s the same stage though, Dan said we might move, but we don’t know yet.” Matt shifted his weight onto his opposite foot, eyes fixated on the bright red end of Mark’s cigarette as he took another drag. Matt’s heart fluttered when Mark caught him staring. He felt his cheeks flush. It didn’t help that he was already pretty buzzed, he just hoped Mark wouldn’t notice. The rush and sting of another inhale of smoke chased the panic away just a bit.

It’s not like Matt didn’t have crushes on guys, because he was no stranger to those feelings. But Mark scared him. Too often he felt like when Mark kissed guys he was just messing around, that he thought it was gross or only did it on a dare. Mark had to know about Matt, how could he not? It’s not like Matt tried to hide it at all, he kissed everyone. He kissed his friends, his girlfriends, his manager and his bandmates. Romantically or platonically, Matt just loved people.

But this was a crush, the furthest thing from platonic. Matt wanted to kiss Mark all the time. He wanted to taste the stale smoke on his lips, lick the sweat off him when he saw him step offstage, pin him down in his bunk, bite his way down his chest and-

He swapped his cigarette for the beer in his opposite hand and chugged the rest of it.

A mix of condensation and his sweating palms made it hard for him to pick up another but he managed with minimal embarrassment before popping it open and taking another hefty gulp.

“I guess we should head in then, got another long day of fucking hundred degree weather ahead of us.” Mark coughed and let the butt of his cigarette fall onto the ground before stubbing it out with his shoe.

“Yeah, good luck tomorrow, y’know, um, if I don’t see you.”

Mark had gone in for a handshake, or maybe a hug if Matt was lucky, but Matt’s brain just sort of… jumped to conclusions.

Their hands tangled and Matt tugged Mark closer to his chest, his other hand coming up to cup Mark’s jaw before their lips met. For a second, Matt didn’t know what came over him. He was drunk, and Mark looked sleepy and cute and he couldn’t help it, okay?

Before Matt knew it, he felt his tongue pressed against Mark’s lower lip and he was humming softly, to himself or to Mark he still doesn’t know.

Mark’s confusion was obvious, even with Matt’s eyes closed he could tell his body had stiffened. Once he noticed, Matt panicked.

He pulled back, knowing his face had to have been bright red. “See you later!”

The last thing Matt remembered was the confused and flushed look on Mark’s face as he pulled back and continued to hightail it back to Trio’s bus.

~

The next kiss came much later.

News of blink’s second break up came as sort of a surprise, but Matt didn’t pay much attention to the press. All he knew was that Mark called him crying.

From what he remembered Tom was a nice guy. Whenever he was around Mark they were both smiling, joking and hugging. It was commonplace with them. But that was a long time ago.

Matt hadn’t seen or talked to Tom in a few years and he’d be lying if he said he was a huge fan. Mostly because he was always envious of Tom’s relationship with Mark. Matt knew, just like everyone knew. You’d be blind not to see it. There was always a flurry of bitterness Matt felt towards Tom, just because Matt always had the trouble of wanting what he could never have. Watching Mark and Tom flirt and tease each other made Matt’s heart pulse with longing. Even if it was just a crush, a crush that was almost fifteen years old, Matt couldn’t shake the feeling. He knew it was irrational. Tom was always nice to him whenever they were around each other, Matt just had to learn to get over it.

But now his feelings were justified.

Mark had called late in the evening, his words chased with sobs that he tried so desperately to hold back but couldn’t hide. 

“Please just come. I just... Please.” 

Matt was out the door within minutes. 

~

Mark’s place was surprisingly clean. Matt entered expecting to find glass shards on the floor, curtains torn off the windows, and blood on the carpet. But it was eerily quiet. Chills shook Matt’s bones and he felt that this was just the calm before the storm. 

When Matt opened the door to Mark’s room he was met with Mark’s tall frame curled under the sheets, smaller than Matt had ever seen in his life. 

Matt hesitated in the arch of the doorway, offering Mark a gentle smile when their eyes met. He rubbed his foot against the back of his ankle and cleared his throat before Mark interrupted him in a distressed whine. 

“Come here, please.” 

Matt toed off his boots and shrugged his heavy jacket off his shoulders, leaving them both behind. He made his way over to the left side of the bed, closest to where Mark was. He kept his head down, picking at a stray string on the sleeve of his shirt. The weight of Mark’s stare bore heavy on the middle of Matt’s chest before he had the courage to meet his eyes again. 

Mark’s eyes were swollen and red, set deep into his eye sockets. It looked like he had aged ten years since Matt had last seen him. 

Mark seemed so fragile Matt thought his voice would break him. It took all he could to keep his voice at a whisper when all he wanted to do was ramble. Matt wanted to let Mark know how strong and brave he was, how important he was, how much he meant to Matt. 

“How can I help?” 

“Sit with me?” The crack in his voice made Matt’s heart ache. 

The covers were warm, Matt noticed as Mark held them open for Matt to slip in, though Mark’s hands were a bitter cold. 

Mark turned his body towards Mark and took one hand in both of his. The tight curl of Mark’s body quickly unwound but tears immediately began to run down his face. 

“I’m such an idiot.” More tears fell and Matt leaned forward to rest his forehead against Mark’s temple. 

“You are not. This isn’t your fault.” Matt murmured, rubbing circles against the back of Mark’s hand with his thumb. 

Mark pulled away to look Matt in the eyes, his eyes welling up again and spilling over. Mark took a shaky breath and looked away, biting the inside of his mouth. 

“I thought he loved me.” 

Matt’s heart shattered. 

Mark’s must have too, because he began to shake, folding in on himself again. Matt, before he could stop and think, wrapped Mark in his arms and pulled him up against his chest. 

“I’m fucking worthless.” 

“Don’t say that.” Matt whispered into Mark’s hair, his hands moving to the sides of Mark’s face, pulling him back so they were eye to eye. 

“You’re not worthless, you’re-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Matt. You don’t know what I had to go through. Tom was fucking right, Tom was-” Mark pulled back out of Matt’s hands sharply, leaning back away from him and huffing out jagged breaths. 

“Mark Allan Hoppus. You stop that right now." It came out loud and a bit too harsh, but Matt didn’t care. 

“You’re smart and you’re funny and handsome and talented. Anyone who doesn’t see that is blind or fucking stupid. I don’t care what Tom thinks.” 

Matt took a big breath and clenched his fists around the bedsheets. Now or never. 

" _I love you_.” Matt’s heart was ready to jump out of his chest and run across the country but he forced himself to keep breathing. This was about Mark, not Matt. 

“I love your stupid hair and your dick jokes and your nail polish. You’re smart. You’re fucking smart, Mark. And you don’t need Tom. For anything. You’ll be fine. You and Travis have been the driving force behind this band for a while, and you can still do it. And like, I’m here for you, okay? I’m not like, implying that you need me or whatever but, like, if you do, you can call me. Um, if you want.” 

Matt’s face was burning up and his heart was hammering in his chest. He caught Mark’s shaky frown before it disappeared behind his hand and he dragged it up to wipe his eyes. 

Confusion sparked in Matt’s brain and then an onset of panic. Had he done something wrong? Did he stutter? Was Mark going to laugh at him? Yell? Tell him to leave? Never talk to him again? 

Matt’s brain was racing at a million miles an hour and his blood felt like ice water. All of a sudden he could feel his throat closing, he was sweating and his vison was blurry. How could he be so stupid? The crush he had for so long was about to throw it back into his face, scream at him, tell him he never wanted to see him again, that he was an idiot and-

“Can I kiss you?” 

Time stopped. 

Time stopped for a long time. 

It felt like ages before Matt could finally find control over his body and forced himself to blink and breathe. 

“What.” Matt was still in such awe he could barely fathom why _the_ Mark Hoppus would want to lay a hand on boring old Matt Skiba. 

Mark wiped at his eyes again, sucking in a deep breath. 

“I want to kiss you. Can I?” 

If Matt’s brain was the motherboard of a computer, Mark’s words were like water being poured onto it. 

“… Yes?” 

Mark leaned forward and pressed his thumb against Matt’s chin, his fingers curling underneath to pull Matt’s head up and lead him closer. 

The kiss was harder than Matt expected. Matt could feel the wet tracks Mark’s tears had left on his face against his cheek, and he had to remember to close his eyes. 

When Mark pulled away he pressed his forehead against Matt’s and met his stare. 

“How long?” 

Matt forced himself to breathe again. “What?” 

“You said you loved me. For how long?” 

Oh god, this is the part where Mark calls him a freak and tells him to leave. 

_Fifteen fucking years_. Probably more than that, actually. Matt couldn’t believe himself. What kind of loser has a crush for fifteen years? Why couldn’t he just forget about Mark and move on? Relationships had come and gone, but Mark never left the back of his mind. 

“Um… ah… how long have we known each other?” 

“Probably, um, fifteen years, give or take?” 

The blush on Matt’s face probably could have been seen from space. 

“So, like… ten… maybe fifteen years?” 

Matt squeezed his eyes shut the second the words fell out of his mouth. Dread prickled the back of his neck and sank into his stomach.

”Are you… fucking serious?”

Matt couldn’t hear any anger in Mark’s tone, surprisingly. A headache suddenly bloomed at the front of Matt’s head and he started to breathe faster.

“I can leave if you want me to, I just-” Matt pulled away from Mark, his eyes focused on the pattern of Mark’s sheets and how hard his fists were holding them.

“No, hey, Matt-” Mark's hand gripped onto Matt’s forearm, keeping him in place.

Matt flicked his gaze up to meet Mark’s face, flushed and eyes gleaming. _What the fuck is going on._ Matt’s head was screaming at him and his face felt hot and his stomach felt like he was about to puke any second. 

“How, um, how angry would you be if I uh, said that I sort of felt the same way?”

Matt’s whole world stopped.

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me?”

~

Who would have thought that after all those years crushing on Mark Hoppus would lead to this. 

25 year old Matt would just think this was a dream. 40 year old Matt couldn’t be happier. 

Waking up next to the guy you had been crushing on for over a decade was still a pretty trippy experience. Waking up knowing it wasn’t a fantasy, Matt knowing that he lived here now. He still couldn’t believe it. 

Matt knew that Mark had a shitty sleeping pattern, so waking up to find him sleeping was pretty rare. They had been trying to come up with a solution for a while, but for now midnight fucks seemed to be pretty effective. 

Whenever Mark did sleep, Matt couldn’t help but stare. 

Matt could tell it was mid-morning by the sunshine filtering through the windows and sneaking past the curtains. He lifted his arms over his head to stretch and curl his back before he settled and turned towards the body sleeping next to him. A soft hum of warmth flooded Matt’s bloodstream when he saw Mark’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful. The worried lines of his usually furrowed brows had faded away and his cheek was squished by the pillow beneath him. His hair was still a spiky mess, from the leftover gel from yesterday and last night. Thinking of earlier that night made Matt take notice of the bruises on Mark’s neck and chest that had blossomed overnight. 

Matt settled onto his side so he could look at Mark directly. The bruises on Mark’s neck were warm to the touch and Matt couldn’t help but smile at the dark purple and reds that he could remember putting there. The pads of his fingers made their way to Mark’s chin, his jaw and past the soft shell of his ear. Matt heard a gentle sigh come from Mark’s mouth, his breath tickling Matt’s cheeks. 

The urge to kiss Mark was too much and Matt gave in, leaning forward to press a soft kiss on Mark’s forehead. He pulled away only to kiss his nose before nestling back against his pillow, continuing to gently trace his fingers along Mark’s jaw and hairline. 

The process continued until Mark slowly opened one eye, humming against Matt’s touches before throwing his arms up in the air to stretch. 

Once Mark brought his arms back down under the covers he took Matt’s hand from his face to hold it. 

“Watching me sleep?” He raised a brow and smirked at Matt, who shrugged and rolled his eyes. 

“Fucking weirdo.” 

Mark’s warm hand came up to pull Matt closer by the jaw. Their smiling mouths met and Matt almost purred against Mark’s lips. 

When they pulled apart Mark was grinning, the corners of his eyes crinkled and his blue eyes shining. Matt’s heart shook with an overwhelming sense of _home_ and _warmth_ and _happy_.

He felt _so happy_.


End file.
